Here I am beginning my new chemo treatment. Look how lovely and toxic and pink it is. It's been two days now and I'm feeling awful, so hopefully it's working.
The treatment itself is fantastic because it only takes about 20 minutes. That's 20 Marsden minutes, which is really all day. But once it gets pumping I'm not in there for long, which is a big relief. Hanging around on the chair isn't my favourite way of spending the afternoon.
My new diagnosis - untreatable - means that the type of conversation I have with other patients has significantly changed. Belts and braces chemo obviously didn't cut it. This visit everyone was telling me their stories. Celeste gave me some advice on how to get on trials. Her big news though was that she's just bought a puppy and her little puppy is her biggest reason to get up in the morning. Jackie, who has a similar cancer to me, doesn't eat sugar.... I don't think I can get through this without cakes and biscuits (but I won't eat them in front of Jackie). She also visualises an army running through her veins, targeting her cancer cells. She has cannons and archers and all sorts in there, aiming at her 'evil' cells. It seems to be working, her tumours have shrunk. It's all that fire power. And she recommends accupuncture and not listening to the doctors: 'They don't know everything!'.
The consultants were away this week at a sarcoma conference in Chicago, so we saw a registrar. When my consultant told me this last week my heart leapt with hope.
'That's great news!' I gushed. 'You could find something out about me!!'
She managed to supress a smile and explained, 'It doesn't work like that'.
My sister said I should have asked to go along - maybe a better idea.
In any case, it meant that B and I didn't ask the registrar a lot of the questions we had planned. Some of them I only want to ask once. We've asked for a meeting with Professor Judson (they all call him the Proff, which I find very reassuring for some reason) and we should be receiving a letter with a date and time, the appointment should be quite soon. We've been advised that we will 'wait and wait' because everyone wants to see him and he always overruns. I don't mind. Once I enter the hospital I go into passive time mode anyway. I think it's quite common. I'll take a Jack Reacher novel with me. He's good at waiting too.
10 comments:
I'm sure I can mobilise some special firepower for you too! We can call on the gunners, the cavalry and a whole heap of infantry foot soldiers to help zap the bad guys. Oh - lets not forget some airpower too! I think our best secret weapon though is girl power! At 'em hun xx
Love Cunny xx
Hi Linda, my profile name is Red Start after my favourite feathered bird. I agree with Cunny - we girlies are a very powerful army so sending you lots of energy to zap the bad guys. Stay grounded to the earth. - think of your toes as roots of an oak tree so when the wind blows and it gets tough you stay rooted.
Sending much love
Jackie xx
Hi Linda,
I hadn't realised quite what a difficult time you have had this year, Eilean and Debs gave me the address of your blogsite which I hope you don't mind me reading. I found it really interesting and your strength in dealing with your situation has come through loud and clear. I sincerely hope this new stuff they are giving you sorts out those nasty cells and provides long term management. I hope that in between the chemo days you can have really good days. With fondest wishes, Janice
Hi Linda and B
Thanks for all the information re your treatment, it is certainly helping us to understand your situation more and hopefully the blog is some kind of release for you.
I would like to officially start the 'ditch the danni' campaign as I think that you look far more sexy au natural!!!
Can't wait to see your silky skills on the football field sometime soon (and B's as well!!!).
All our love xxx
Hey Linda, still looking gorgeous ;-) its so rubbish that I don't know what to say to you, I don't want to say the wrong thing or not say enough and then yet that's all crap and exactly what I wouldn't want people to doing to me. I'm gutted that your life has taken this turn and really p*ssed off that crap keeps happening to the good guys. I don't know about you but when my life has got really tough and people have told me how strong I am and how if anyone could get through it I could I want to scream "but I'm not strong really, why doesn't anyone see it?!" you just don't have a choice do you but to grit your teeth, knuckle down and deal with life sometimes minute by minute! Anyway Linda I just wanted to send you and B my love and let you know I'm sending love and light to you both xxxxx
Hi Linda,
Thinking of you both whilst sitting in cyber space job hunting. So sorry to hear that your illness has returned. I will focus the northern 'girl power' on the destruction of the virus. Hope to catch up with you both soon.
Love Shazza
Thanks for all your thoughts, love, light, infantry foot soldiers and northern girl power. I'm certainly getting tooled up! xx
You look like Sigourney Weaver in Alien 3. x
Now we're cooking...
xx
Well one good thing that has come from all this - at least we both know where an abdomen is. Why weren't we forced to take biology - followed by advanced deciphering medical news provided by medical specialists? I wish I was there with you both. Will be soon. xx
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