The last week has been spent worrying, worrying, worrying about my scans, which I had on Tuesday in preparation for meeting the doctor to see if I would continue with the course of toxic pink Doxorubicin. After attending Life: The Festival of Death at the South Bank last week, I did feel that I had covered myself in case the news was bad. What I hadn't expected, or prepared for, was really good news but, guess what? The chemo is killing the cancer!
Meeting the doctors to receive results is an extremely stressful process. I want to believe that the news will be good, I want to be hopeful, but there's also a part of me that I feel needs to be prepared to receive bad news. Otherwise, I feel too exposed. So, when the doctor told us the news - that the Doxorubicin was killing off the hard parts of my tumours, ie.the cancerous parts, and turning the tumours into globular cysts - it seemed unbelievable.
Having been told the good news, the really really good news, it took a few moments to sink in. It also took a few moments to sink in because my doctor is quite a thoughtful man, and he delivered it in the same way he'd delivered not very good news. As a consequence, we all spent a few moments looking at each other after he told us the results, before I sought some sort of clarification.
'This is good news, right?' I asked, a bit hesitantly, unwilling to hang out the bunting.
'Yes, yes!' he replied, finally giving us the smile he could have produced at the beginning of the conversation. Duh!!
To be honest, I don't think the news has sunk in completely but I'm certainly feeling a lot cheerier. It's also been fabulous weather over here for the past few days - freezing, but with bright blue skies and sunshine. It's the kind of weather you want to be walking around in having just been told something wonderful and life enhancing.
I can see the end now. I've had my fifth cycle of chemo, which means (scream) there's only one more to go. Then another set of scans. Then a meeting with the Proff to see where I go from here. I know I can't make any plans until I've seen him, but I'm starting to feel cautiously optomistic. 2012 could be the best year ever!!
6 comments:
Dearest Linda,
Received your news and have tears rolling down my cheeks with joy and relief. You have been very much on my mind this week and even this morning I was wondering how you both were and if you were going to the party tonight. The fact that the tumours are turning to cysts having been killed off is awesome......well done girl !!
Life is rich , blue sky, sunshine, and we are alive.....
Much love
Jackie xxx
Make it your best year yet, come what may! I'm so glad to hear that Dox is working for you, it makes all those days and weeks of horrid chemo side-effects worthwhile. Well done!
Sue
That is great news Linda. Soon to the post treatment phase and a new set of eyebrows and eyelashes, perhaps some champagne. We (me and Kath) have been thinking about you and talking aboutyou lots. Lots of love to you and B.
Elaine
Thanks for your lovely comments Jackie, Sue, Kath and Elaine. It is great news - and only one treatment to go. The end is in sight! xxx
Well done pet. Lots and lots of love from me and L.
Darling Linda I know we spoke on the 4th, but there's something deeply moving about the power of the written word . Linda isn't this just the best news ever. I'm so full of gratitude. Lots of love to you & B .
Jo
XxXx
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