Drugtastic news

Why beat around the bush... it's good news. The trial drug is working! I'm still a bit stunned by the news, the good news, the really good news. Delivered by a doctor with a smile on his face, which was lovely to see. And the sun was out. All I needed was for a robin to fly in through the window, perch on my finger and burst into song.

Waiting for my scan

I'm sitting at home, with precisely 25 minutes to go before I have to leave the house. Today is the day of my three month CT scan, the shadows, shapes and contours of which will reveal whether the trial drug Axitinib has worked on my sarcomas. The aim has been to shrink or soften them... has it? I thought I had lots of 'things' to do before I left, and of course I do, but I find myself sitting in front of my computer just staring at it. Tick tick tick, tap tap tap... it appears I am interested in nothing. I have no distractions.

I'm back!

Hello! Remember me? The world's most unreliable blogger.... Well, I'm back and on almost a special date as well. Tomorrow, June 2nd, is the one year anniversary of my hysterectomy, the date I officially became the woman without a cervix. It feels both a lifetime ago and yesterday. I can still vividly remember my stay in hospital - lying in bed in pain, with a huge scar on my stomach that I thought may unravel at any moment. I tried to talk the nurse out of making me stand and take two steps to the chair where I had to sit and begin my recuperation. 

'I don't think you realise, Natalie, I've just had a serious operation....'.

The whole experience also feels like a million years ago, so many things have happened since then: cancer, secondary cancer, chemotherapy, side effects, getting married/committed, turning 50, battling with my fear and anxiety over being made redundant. But the overarching question I have kept returning to over the past year is one I think we all battle with from time to time, it's the question we fine tune all of our lives. Who am I?